Losing my job of 16 years

2025-05-03 00:00:00 -0500

I graduated from college today.

Many people are celebrating right now, many of whom are my friends. Instead, I find myself grieving.

I think there’s a lot to be said about how we human beings process change. It may be the most discussed topic in history. Personally, I find this to be the most terrifying change I’ve ever experienced. Sure, this degree is what I have been working incredibly hard for over four years, but it marks the end of my schooling forever. When I walked out of that ceremony, I lost the thing which occupied most of my time for as long as I can remember. School is the only thing I know how to do. It’s been my job, and after sixteen years, I’ve been let go.

If I may use a metaphor, the finish line has been drawn across the edge of a cliff. Over the boundary is an ocean, the bottom of which I can’t see. The waters of the unknown are black, murky, and opaque. I don’t know what it’s like past this line. There could be a paddleboat on the shore to safely guide me away. There could be sea monsters ready to swallow me whole. Whatever the case, I’ve just been pushed over the cliff.

I’ve gained many skills in my higher education. Of course, the whole point of this degree is to qualify one for a good career, whereafter I can do things I love doing. And I am excited for the possibilities, but those are only possible. The future may be bright, but I am blindfolded. In the meantime, I am left saying goodbye to professors who I grew fond of (and who grew fond of me), classmates that I worked hard with, both of my jobs, short-term goals to work towards — essentially any sense of purpose has dissipated.

This post isn’t meant to be pessimistic. Good things have happened. I am the most capable version of myself that has ever existed. I’ve evolved as a human being. And I’m not purely at the whims of fate. My future is in my own hands.

That may be the most terrifying thing of all.